Letter From Belize

Dear Baio-ge,

Things are in a flux here. And sometimes in a good way and sometimes in a bad.

The bots of Blackburne are still causing trouble. Giving headaches to all the inhabitants. Got in a tussle last night with a few. Don’t worry, Baio-ge. Im perfectly alright. Just some bruises and scrapes. Most of it is layered from when I got into a tussle with a replicant. Gorram thing walked into Fook’s and just started hitting on me. 

Told you I was bad luck.

I wish you were here. I wish you and Bridge were here. I wish I had someone to talk to. I suppose the Shepard could work. But I feel the need to stay away from him as of late. I suppose I could tackle one of the other girls that hang around. Even Lily. But I need confidences and Lily isn’t known for keeping a secret.

I suppose I can tell you through the cortex. Its not like I have military secrets…

I told you about the thing between a captain named Duncan Cooperstone and Immi? Well… seems Immi is in love with him too. But she is more in love with Td. In fact, Td proposed to Immi. She said yes. You know how I feel about that. I didn’t know whether to cry or laugh. But I do feel happy for them. Don’t get me wrong. I would be proud to wear any frou frou frilly outfit Immi wanted me to wear at her wedding. But you know how I am. Always thinking. And I thought about how lonely I was.

Not good, right?

I went to Hale’s and ran into Duncan. He had something for me. A ship. I have a ship, Xav! A MedEvac. He gave me a ship. I don’t know if it was happiness about the ship or just something about his actions opened something up. But I felt an attraction. I have feelings for Duncan Cooperstone!

This is turning out to be the most horrible of messes, Xav. I don’t know whether to cry, jump off a building or turn myself in to get put into a mental ward.

What do I tell my best friend who is engaged to my ex boyfriend… and who is also in love with the man I have feelings for?! And he loves her so much. Even has a picture of Immi in his bunk. How can I compete with that? It’s a lost cause, Xav…

For now, I am going to just keep breathing every day. And hope one day my heart gets a jumpstart.

 

Love you so much, Baio-ge. Tell everyone I love them.

 ~Bel

Powerless

I had hoped and prayed that it was anything than what I thought it was going to be. I had hoped it was just a chemical imbalance. Medication for the rest of her life… Nothing in life prepared me for this. Nothing. And I felt so helpless. All I could think about when I was telling her was… I just found her. I just found family and now I may lose her.

~8 months earlier~

He was dirty. Dirty and dusty and hungry and angry. He didn’t know how angry a person could get. But he thinks he was there. Only one thought in his head. Kill this bitch who took his aunt away. Kill this bitch before she gets his money. The money he deserved because he was there for everything. The coldness of Grandfather, the emotional distancing of his mother. The abuse of his father.. He deserved their money and he deserved his aunt’s money because she ran away and didn’t protect him. And now… now he finds out his aunt had a kid. A kid that supposedly looked just like her.

What a surprise it was to have one of the officers on the ship he was on come up and mention he saw this pretty hot red head on some rock dancing on some radioactive rock. When he saw the picture of my aunt on my desk, he asked if I knew the dancer. I was surprised to say the least. What did he mean by that? He claimed that the woman in my picture was the spitting image of the dancer. Which was impossible! That picture was taken when Aunt Genny was just 19.. mere months before she left with that no good doctor.

I asked him what rock and what bar. Then I put in my leave of absence and high tailed it to the coordinates. The bar was empty, and I found out from some locals the bar was closed but would be open the next day. So I went back to my transport and occupied my time. Wondering what I would do if it was true. What if my aunt had a bastard child with that no good witch doctor? What a laugh. He wasn’t even a doctor as far as he can tell. No Jonas Carver in the records as being a doctor anywhere in the verse. The family looked for all of 3 years before giving up. They could have been anywhere.

When the bar opened up, I picked a seat in the corner and in line with the stage. The music was good, the drinks better. The guy behind the bar with what looked like a talking ball of flesh seemed nice enough. Made a comment about liking redheads. He laughed and said that I was in luck. The dancer tonight was a redhead. So here I am… settled down, a cold beer in hand and Aunt Genny’s picture in the other.

When she stepped out on stage, I felt my lungs implode. She was the spitting image of Aunt Genny.

I watched her dance. Teasing and sultry. But classy and everyone seemed to love her. She interacted with everyone. Even coming over and kissing me on the cheek when I put some money in her jar. She had blue green eyes. And she smelled earthy. Not bad.

It was then and there I had to know about her. So I went back again and again and again. Watching and waiting and wondering.

Finally, I got up the nerve. Caught her walking towards her place, I suppose. I had heard her name... Belize Carver. Everyone called her Bel. I asked if we could talk. I needed to talk to her. She was nice enough, trusting enough to invite me in. We talked for awhile. She told me she was a medic; using the dancing to be able to get money to live off of. She was so sweet and kind, that I couldn’t help thinking about my aunt. Not only did she look like Aunt Genny, she acted like her. Trusting and gentle. I found myself warming to her. Liking her. Knowing this woman and I were the last of our family alive.

And I got this overwhelming sense of protection. She seemed so small and weak and sad. The saddest blue eyes I have ever seen. But strong. And the way she talked about her friends on this rock, I knew she would die for them. And I felt pride. And I knew, I couldn’t kill her. This link to my aunt and my only family left.

So I told her why I was there. Told her what I had in mind. She didn’t flinch. She didn’t even look scared. Then she told me something…

“You wont hurt me.”

And she was right. Because I found my reason and purpose. To be Bel’s last living relative and protect her. I loved Belize Mae Carver, my only living relative and I will do whatever it takes to make her happy and keep her safe. Even if it means laying my life on the line for her.

 

~Present~

When Maggie came running to my room and told me she intercepted waves from Blackburne and Bel was lost in the Wastes. I remembered her telling me about it. The dangers involved. But she knew how to steer clear of all the danger. This time… she didn’t have this… thing wrong with her. I nearly went down there myself. But they found her before I had a chance.

I was too harsh with her. But she has a chance dammit. The longer she waits, the more danger she is in. Then she pulls this!? I may have to bring her back to the ship. But gorram it… If I did that, things would never be the same with us.

I cant have her die on me… Not now. 

In Sight

I contacted Bel last night. Bridge told me not to, but I had to tell her we were close to getting the analyzer for her. She seemed... social. But not as much as she should be. Those eyes are still sad and I wish for anything that they change. When I told her about how close we were, her mood changed some. Its as if she was reminded that she may be sick. That there was something wrong with her. 

Her emotions have been fluctuating. And I am afraid if she has another shock to her system, she may not return from the emotional catatonic state she uses to protect herself. 

If I didnt have Bridgette, I dont know what I would do. Probably go back to Blackburne, take Bel and go to the other end of the verse as far from that as possible. 

Halfway to Ariel

I dont feel right leaving Bel. She seemed worse off when I saw her. Although... she seemed to smile a little more. I cant tell if it's the fact that she is just training herself to do it or she's genuinely smiling. Bridgette thinks she's genuine. She's got hope. Bridge not Bel. I dont think I have ever seen Bel hopeful of anything since... well, that day she wont talk about. 

Plumb assures me his contacts assured them that there would be high tech medical equiptment on the ship we are heading for. Just a freighter, heading toward a new Alliance base with medical supplies. We have plenty from the last hit. Just need that gorram neuro-analyzer. 

Bridgette relayed to me that Bel told her in confidence that she no longer saw colors. And any colors she saw were hazy and muted. Mostly around people. And not all people. She saw Bridgette in color. But not me. It confused her... and it scared me. 

It sounded like her occipital lobe. But that doesnt explain her mood swings. Ive been pouring over my medical books. Searching for anything that could tell me what in the gorram hell is wrong with my cousin!

It seems as no one on that beloved rock of hers cares about her health. Has anyone noticed her behavior? It's borderline manic depressive and I have only been around her a handful of times before now. And me being a doctor is no excuse. Someone who cared for her enough should of noticed it. No excuses. If it wouldnt of made her so sad, I would take her from that blasted rock and never take her back. She's better off. 

I know it's not fair blaming people I barely know. But it just seems... selfish of them to not see her. Maybe I should steal her from that planet. She cant hate me forever. And if she's better off then it will be worth her hatred. 

If I had the right mind, I would hunt down this... Darian she keeps crying about in her sleep, and do to him what I was trained to do during the war. It wasnt real pretty.. they didnt call me a Butcher for nothing. I am trying to keep that part of myself under lock and key. But Bel's prediciment is making it real hard. 

I am not proud of what I did then. War is war. But if there was anyway for Bel to forget everything that hurt her. I would do it. To the best of my ability. 

She's family. And those people she calls family on that rock are far from it.. 

Belize

Im worried about her. She wont tell me what happened at the bar last night. Instead she just showed up and went directly to her bunk. Bridge kept me back, shaking her head and letting her black hair fan across her shoulders as she looked at me. No, she signed. She needs to be alone. 

When I found out that my aunt's child existed, I had to see her.  I had to know what she looked like. Did she smell like her? Did she smile like her? I watched from the shadows as she danced, Aunt Geneva's picture clutched in my fist. If I didnt know better, this was Aunt Geneva. No doubt who she was. 

I admit, I felt hatred for her. Taking my beloved aunt away from the privlidge that she was born into. But then, I met with her. And we talked. She was just like her mother. But sadder. Blue eyes darker with hints of green. She had scars on her arms and chest where her shirt wasnt covering. She was like a broken doll. And I felt that instance that I had to save her. 

Last night, I felt helpless. Just as helpless as the day the migranes started. Two weeks to the day of her boarding the Golden Dawn. I never paid attention to her eyes. Maybe they started changing then. I feel horrible for not catching it, not paying attention. 

She hated taking pills, but she forced herself to take the meds to take care of the migraines. Grumbling and complaining the whole time. It is true what they say about doctors making the worse patients. 

I went into her room to give her breakfast this morning. She was staring at the wall. She had already taken down the pictures so I dont know what she was staring at. Her face was blank, void of expression. And it stayed that way when she turned her head to look at me. She smiled, as if it was an afterthought that she should do such a thing and she looked at me. The smile not reaching her eyes. I asked her if she needed more meds. She said no. She got rid of what she had. And she said the weirdest thing. She said she was in no pain. 

I have to talk to the Captain about getting that neuro-analyzer. I dont think it can wait. 

My Bridgette

Bel told me it was cathargic to write things down. To write things down so you let it all out. I never felt the need to until now. 

I was born with not so much a silver spoon in my mouth but more silver plated. My mother was born with money. My father was born with influence. It was a mutal and very productive union. It was only fitting to produce an heir. 

I wasnt that old when the chaos hit our family. My aunt Geneva taking off with a backwoods doctor with neither money nor influence. I grew up learning how to push my nose in the air and pretend I was better than everyone else. Even my aunt. I remember bits and pieces of her. She was nice. Smelled good. And she enjoyed music. I remember my mother being very sad when she left. And I remember my grandfather yelling at anyone that mentioned her name. 

I never understood how someone could run away with someone. Was that love so pure and deep that someone could survive on just each other? 

Now I do. Bridgette is my life. I couldnt love anyone more than  I could love her. She knows what I am thinking before I even say it. She looks at me as if I could move the moon or die trying. I ran away for her. I ran away with her and I will never regret one moment. Because if I am not with her. I will cease to live.